Dating and unbeliever
I knew this was wrong - but I was light years away from being the kind of Christian described in Eph -32a Why should I be kind and compassionate towards him? A close friend once said Ive noticed how protective he is towards you. The effect is greatest with the very first person to both hear the secret and remain warmly accepting after the revelation. To be treated as a worthwhile person, as a person worth bothering with, is like someone being given chocolates and roses, who has only dry crusts to eat and weeds to smell.
How could I - since I was seething in rage the whole time? So the more unloved I felt, the more unlovable I became - not that I was aware of it of course. I was, and still am, the living embodiment of someone who is susceptible to this kind of bonding. No, I was never physically unfaithful to Bob, but that doesnt mean that the longing wasnt there.
No matter how true that was where I was concerned, I cannot remember ONE speaker or writer offering a word of comfort. Even now my stomach turns at the thought of the sweet smiling faces on the back covers. This is because I long to spare other Christian women the sadness and distress, the disillusionment and depression that I went through for almost 40 years, because I made the wrong choice.
These people didnt have a clue what my life was like - how could they? Are you a Christian woman thinking about marrying someone you are not sure belongs to the Lord Jesus? Somehow have you ended up in that most difficult of relationships; marriage to a non-Christian; someone who has no time for God. I survived but I hope you manage better than I did.
My relationship with my husband had to be worked on continually; and so did my relationship with my God. And so the days of disharmony and distress dragged on. I flatly refused to say things like I wish youd never been born! A man on a desert island can expect to feel lonely, because he is deprived of human companionship. At a personal level I meant nothing to the one I was now united to for life!
I was only a possession - required to be at his beck and call. The only time either of us got any attention from Bob was when we werent performing properly. I snapped back, Providing he is getting his own way!
And naturally Bob didnt understand my wanting to be in the bedroom ON MY OWN to have my Quiet Time with God.
No matter how true that was where I was concerned, I cannot remember ONE speaker or writer offering a word of comfort. Even now my stomach turns at the thought of the sweet smiling faces on the back covers.These kinds of verses only fueled my anger, so I conveniently ignored the other part of verse 32: just as in Christ God forgave you." Bob never expressed any affection for me. Naturally it was all my husbands fault - he was the one making me miserable, wasnt he? And Christ said in Matthew Every Mothers Day (or so it seemed to me) at Church, the message was based on Proverbs 31 - The Ideal Wife and Mother.Everyone outside the family home saw only the kind, gentle, easy-going, family-loving man. I came to hate this Scripture because it was a constant reminder to me of what a failure I was as a wife and mother.(To understand why it is a sin for a Christian to choose to marry someone she knows is not born again, see Choosing a Partner.) This was such a hard thing to deal with. Now that Ive repented, and got this sorted out with God, I thought, surely things will improve? So I did, because I knew from past experience that he would.And somehow I felt that God would act the same way when I left a problem with him.