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(The Frisky) -- First thing one morning I got a text from one of my friends, the kind I get all too often: "Met my future husband last night!" My response was my standard one: "Get back to me in three months." If I've learned one valuable thing from the dating whirligig I've been on for the last six years (give or take six months here or there), it's that you must wait at least three months before getting excited about the long-term possibilities of a new person.Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections. That's why I always say to myself, to my friends, and to you, single people, check in after three months and tell me how great the new person you're dating is.I think it takes about three months to strip away the layers and start to see this person for who they really are. " The more and less obvious discoveries about another are made in that three-month period. Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? If everything is still coming up roses, maybe I'll dance a jig with you.Having to be practically dragged apart in the months following your wedding could spell trouble down the road.Psychologist Ted Huston followed 168 couples for 13 years — from their wedding day onward. Maybe you didn't realize until recently that your partner's obsessed with earning money and you're not; or maybe the magic of that first year after the wedding is starting to wear off, laying bare a less exhilarating existence.
In other words, in stable, satisfying relationships, each partner somewhat idealizes the other and sees the best in them.
Yes, the bad times are bad — but the good times are so good! As psychologist and relationships expert Gary Lewandowski explains on Science of Relationships, dramatic couples showed a lot of fluctuation in their commitment to their partners over time.
(Interestingly, they also constituted the largest group in the study.) Partner-focused couples saw their partners positively and mostly experienced fluctuations in commitment when they couldn't spend as much time together.
The Frisky: 30 things every woman should quit doing by 30 I don't want to sound cynical or jaded.
I totally believe in love for myself and my friends, but what I believe in more is that it takes a really long time to get to know someone and it's a complicated process.